This is the last fucking time I go out of my way to surprise my boyfriend with a nice meal and lunch for the next day.
"Oh, I’m just stopping by after work then going home."
Great, so pick up your fucking keys, take all my weed and go have fun by your fucking self.
I didn’t think of you all day.
I didn’t go out and get steaks to make a nice dinner.
I didn’t go and spend $13 on chips and chocolate so we can munch out later.
Just calm your fucking tits.
He doesn’t have to know.
I won’t make a big deal.
I’ll give him what he wants and send him on his way.
I hate having my period.
I just ripped my newest black skirt.
Great, thanks giant metal death that caught on and ripped a hole!
Of course the skirt has to be from H&M and I’ll probably never be able to find the same one again.
And of course I can afford new clothes right now, jesus.
You are alone, child.
There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people.
These ancients are just the beginning.
I will command a great and terrible army, and we will sail to a billion worlds.
We will sail until every light has been extinguished.
You are strong, child, but I am beyond strength.
I am the end, and I have come for you, Finn.
- The Lich
As of late I feel like I’m slipping.
Slipping out of my own routine.
Slipping out of my life, and what I want to do with it.
Along with finally finishing these roller derby photos, having to pay for my other photos to come back to me, working five days a week and having a boyfriend can be pretty overwhelming.
I feel like I don’t have any time to myself anymore.
And when I do have time to myself I don’t do anything for myself.
I just get stoned and watch tv or spend countless hours on the internet.
It’s beautiful outside today and I could care less.
Why? Because I’m bleeding and I hate the world.
My friend Chrystal wants to go for lunch tomorrow and make me take stupid photos of her.
I’m sorta down for it, but not at the same time. as my kit lens has decided to bite the bullet and doesn’t want to work.
I have my 50mm which takes amazing photos. which I guess I could use.
Hey if it means free lunch why shouldn’t I…. and possibly money for photos… okay I guess I should do it.
I just hate how being a lady makes me want to hide in the darkest of corners till it stops.
I’m super fucking broke.
And all I want is KFC.
I have no idea if I’ll be okay this month.
Michael said he’ll help me… which he tries to, but he doesn’t do money well.
He gets his cheque then boom it’s gone.
I want to trust him and feel secure that he’ll be able to help me, but my gut doesn’t want to.
My mom said she might be able to help me.
If all else fails I think I might ask the people who fixed my harddrive if I can just not pay it this Friday and just add another payment to the end, saying something came up and I need that $150 to help me.
Which I do.
This photo shit has really been driving me to the ground.
Not to mention the amount of fucking money I’ve been spending on weed.
I need to start keeping a better budget.
Write down everything I buy, see where it all goes to.
Which is mostly, food, smokes, weed and fucking junk food.
That’s something else I need to get back into.
Watching what I eat, and EXERCISE.
Michael is constantly on me to exercise with him, but honestly I just don’t want to do it with him.
And I don’t know how to tell him, I’ve tried already, but I don’t have a “good enough” reason other than I just don’t want to.
Sometimes I like working out with another person, and sometimes I just want to go for a run with my headphones on and forget the whole world.
The only problem is that I have no fucking motivation at all by myself.
To do fucking anything.
I’ve been in such a rut.
I’m almost thinking that if I don’t get this customer service position, I need to seriously start thinking about what the fucking hell I wanna do with this life.
Fucking hell, if it’s not pms bring me down its this existential bullshit type stuff.
I’m gonna go smoke all the things about it.
And stay inside and edit photos and catch up on shows cause I DON’T GIVE ANY FUCKS!
Clean the kitchen up so I can make some breakfast.
Go to room for 1 minute.
Roommate makes her breakfast in the clean kitchen.
Awesome, now because you work all day, I’m left with your dishes and your mess to clean up after.
Sure you stack your dishes and put everything in the sink.
But do you wipe the oven?
Do you wipe the counter?
CRUMBS AND MESS EVERYWHERE!
Oh and wouldn’t it be nice if you pitched in more.
Those are my Ziploc bags, they aren’t cheap, buy your own.
Quit letting your veggies rot in the crisper.
Why do you think I put all my stuff in plastic bowls in the fridge?
Because then it won’t touch your disgusting rotting food.
I know I’m just pmsing.
But seriously sometimes I wonder what the fuck is going on up in your brain!
Now I have to wait to make breakfast.
I’M GETTING HANGARY!